Just some "me time".

Tonight we visited the subject of idolatry in Bible study.... I guess I should preface with letting you know of the enormous challenge I have taken on this fall semester with our students-- we are attempting to cover the scope of the Bible in 12 weeks of studying it from beginning to end.  Not that we would ever actually cover its' entirety, but the object of this attempt is for the students to grasp that the Old Testament IS, in fact, relevant in their discipleship.  (and for them to get that the words all add to something that matters so they can share the gospel with others)

I must say, it is hard trying to interest teenagers in covenants, asherahs, the 12 tribes, and pigeon sacrifices. But, I am attempting with some success (I hope).

So tonight we discussed Israel's crave for a king when they had the best of the best as their ruler... which is what is so catching to me-- you ask God for something that He knows you don't need, nor really want-- and he still gives it to you.  He is such a God with a sense of humor, but I cannot even imagine the agony he endured as he watched his chosen, precious people quickly slip out of grasp and into the unknown, unsatisfying lifestyle of idol worship.  At first glance this seems so irrelevant to us because we do not create golden statues of calves or poles with funny heads or high places to escape to.... or do we?

The targeted idol that surfaced this evening was our idoled relationships.  Which sounds odd that a relationship can become an idol--but I watch relationships mislead our students everyday.  Whether it be with their friendships and the sacrifices they are willing to make for one another that compromises their morality or the comprise of their values, bodies, thoughts, and purity in the wrecking dating relationships they enter-- it hurts my heart... I cannot even fathom God's heart-wrenching emotion towards his children on this matter.

I can even see myself making perfection an idol.  Striving to be the best at my job, the best wife, have the  greatest plans for life-- ugh... what a sickness deep inside my stomach that I'm just living in the "promised land" wrecking it all up and begging God to give me things I don't even need because I don't see His provision and increasingly providing ways that are so not like my own.

Lord, grant me the decency of being able to distinguish and weed out the idols I have made for myself--all the things that manifest themselves in my life long before the thought of YOU.  You deserve to be my thoughts and my utmost desire.

This morning I challenged myself to do what I asked my students to do-- I created a posture of prayer that was uncomfortable, somewhat embarassing, and kind of awkward.... I knelt down in my own living room and prayed for God to intervene in my addiction to worship of things not of Him- and ugh, my knees felt rug burned, my dog kept licking me, and I felt so awkward... but somehow I feel like God was glorified when I exited my element of comfort because the focus was Him and I stayed in that position until I was finished talking to Him and my mind never wandered-- hmm, seems like the bed and couch aren't the greatest locations to focus entirely on the Lord.  Lesson learned.

What are the idol addictions you are facing?  Comparatively what does God's time look like next to your own "deserved" rest and relaxation?  I promise he enables us to rest better than a warm blanket and a great pillow.  We so often think we deserve some "me time"... what??  We really don't deserve anything, much less some uninterrupted time that we just focus in on OURSELVES- haha, don't you think God laughs a little at that? That we think we are so deserving...

Looking forward to some sweet rest in my Maker next week-- thinking of ways to make it more about him and less about me.  Vacation is an exciting thing, but I am really struggling with feeling like I "deserve" it, because I don't.  SO- I guess I just take it as a blessing and just remember that though God blessed His chosen people, He also made them responsible for making his name great among all the nations. Okay, so I have a job to do.

Adios amigos.

Take a deep breath...

It is seemingly difficult to pick up writing when I seem to accumulate enormous time spans between blogging... I am probably world's worst blogger ever.  Just know that coming into this element of my life... it is scarce, but my intentions are not-- I love sharing, but it may not happen in a consistent manner.

I have an ever-wandering mind that is provoked by thoughts, dreams, and randomness.  I sense myself having a mild case of ADD when it comes to this blog idea. (But who doesn't?)

So, where has life brought me since my prior to Easter "lent" blogging... (Lent was great by the way, though long ago). 

Married life has awesomely settled into my routine and the maintanence of a home, being a wife, a doggy mommy, and establishing solid relationships within the ministry I am ever-so blessed to be entrusted with has all become my day-to-day.  Never boring, rather exciting, new, and undoubtedly challenging as it is-- it is better than great, it is an overwhelming blessing that swells my heart to know God has placed me HERE, on PURPOSE to do really cool things.

I've got the coolest side kick and partner in ministry anyone could ever dream of having.. this man layered himself in chocolate pudding, flour, and green mashed potatoes for me on Sunday evening at our annual "SPLAT" event.  Laine Cooper is an extremely passionate special-ed teacher that wears the burdens of all those around him, he carries the hurts of his students, all while soothing the hardships they face with his patience and love... and THEN he comes to my "job" (I love that I get to call it that) and invests wholly in the students here.  He is a saint.

I have many moments in the past few months I certainly want to share....

*My pops: a life-changing event that impacted us all so dearly.... a persevering father that is a heck of an example.
                    On July 18th (the day right before my very first VBS directing debut) my dad endured a massive heart attack.  Dad was rushed to the hospital via my aunt/uncle and then ambulance to Barnes-Jewish Hospital in St. Louis where a stint was put in heart to obscure some of the blockage.  We later found out that a bypass surgery is inevitable.  The rest of that week was CRAZY... with rushing to STL to see my precious dad for a few short hours, and then back to "Egypt" to ensure that all was well with our 150+ kids that attended our VBS- we had some obstacles!   Here is where the story just blesses my heart:  July 18th would have been 30 years of marriage for my mom and dad, however, they divorced 5 years ago. It has been a wreck of a journey for the past 5 years watching my dad come out a devastating time in life--but God surely had a plan and is still working deeply in my dad's life.  On August 18th dad had a triple bypass surgery.  This day will never be forgotten as we all prayed for hours upon hours for dad's health, for the doctor's wisdom, and for a quick recovery. God answered and manifested himself in my dad's recoup- he did amazing and has made enormous progress since that day.  A great conversation with dad informed me and affirmed that God is unfolding plans for daddy--- dad said that his heart attack wasn't just caused by unhealthy diets, smoking, and diabetes--but because his heart held so much resentment for the past and bitterness towards my mother he believed he had this heart attack-- he said no person can live that way.  I do believe God is easing his pain and equipping him for a mighty work (more so than I have already seen and felt from my dad).   Way cool time, though it was scary and uncertain, God proved himself yet again in the midst of our doubts.


All this has led to this: A new-found calling... making myself marketable in the world for a great God. So, among the pleas for God to intervene in my dad's life, God did so in my own life.  As I sat in that hospital for many hours (of what at times felt like suffering due to the intense amount of "family time" being had by all, ha) God began speaking to me about preparation for what is next in life.  As many of you know I had begun a master's program in family therapy with hopes to be a counselor in a few years.  Well, well, well I do believe God has a different direction He is leading me.  God clearly gave me a vision of nursing school for my future.  I believe I am exactly where God wants me in this ministry at Trinity-- but I do know that in time, this will be no longer and I will move forward.  What better time than right now in all the flexibility our lives' are giving us to pursue a nursing degree?!  I believe God is preparing me to help physically meet needs for people so then he can further use me to spiritually provide a seed to help give others hope.  As a nurse and a teacher, Laine Cooper and I are scared to put ourselves on the line for God to send us and use us anywhere, but we are called and are going to be obedient.  So, hello nursing school soon!  (I am finishing pre-reqs in the spring to enroll in nursing in the fall of 2011!)

Praise God for his timing and provision in our lives.  Praise God for a support system of wonderful family members and a rock of a husband. Praise God for a church family that supports me, affirms me, and loves on me.  Praise God for healing. Praise God for beautiful September fall weather.  Praise God for a much needed vacation beginning SATURDAY!

Just praise God for enabling me to be a part of his perfect plan.  

Long, eh?  Well that is what happens when I forget to write for 5 months-ish.  Peace out.
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